Another look at Ezekiel

This morning is a morning of those random small specks of joy blowing up into a JOY inside of me that is stronger than it has been in a long time. I woke up at 4 AM with an epiphany, realizing that I'm allergic to antibiotics. I had amazing talks with my parents. And on top of it all, I'm back in Ezekiel, after being frustrated for some time and found myself in chapter 11. The subtitle was "Hope for the Exiled Israel" and God was just like BAM, this is what you need. I was feeling so uncertain and far from my God after reading about the exile and knowing God had a compassionate heart, but not understanding why He would do such things. When I reached verse 14 of chapter 11 I just wanted to cry. God said to tell the exiles, "This is what the Sovereign Lord says, "Although I have scattered you in the countries of the world, I will be a sanctuary to you during your time in exile. I, the Sovereign Lord, will gather you back from the nations where you have been scattered, and I will give you the land of Israel once again."" He then says a little farther down, "And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart, so that they will obey my decrees and regulations. They they will truly be my people, and I will be their God." This made my heart break once again for my true love. Jesus. His compassion was still there. He was still LOVE during the old covenant. He also says in chapter 11, "I know what you are saying, for I know every thought that comes into your minds." Just as David felt his presence in Psalm 139, Ezekiel knew God's presence during the exile of Israel. And just as both of them embraced the vast omniscient love of God, I choose to run to Jesus and his all-knowing knowledge and love for me, no matter what I am going through. My God was the same yesterday, today, and forever!

I just don't get Ezekiel. It makes me so sad. These people are committing sins, that in some way, shape or form, I have committed. But they're are being brutally slaughtered and punished by my Lord? I know the old testament was different, but I just can't picture the loving God that I spend time with every day and am slowly getting to know on a more intimate basis would do this to people. I mean, there's punishment and reprimand, but brutal murder? I guess I just hope my Old Testament survey class this semester will help answer some of these questions.....any feedback from y'all would be helpful as well.

Living it and Proclaiming it!

God has spoken to my heart and brought about a desire for me to share this story/crucial moment in my life. A true God story. I'm not going to go into my past, issues, or more personal things; but feel free to ask me about any of it if you are interested. I feel my testimony and story of healing truly defines who I am today and who I am in Christ Jesus.

When recapping some thoughts today and looking back through past Bible verses that have been important to me, I came across Psalm 118:17. This verse is at the very end of the book, "Mercy Moves Mountains". I read this book as an assignment while on the waiting list to attend a 6 month Christian treatment program called Mercy Ministries. At the time I was reading this book I felt my life was pointless and hopeless. I felt like there was nothing left to hold onto. I wanted to die, but was so scared. I was torn between suicide and living the life that I felt was lost to past mistakes. I felt this tug that what I was feeling was not right and I needed to be somewhere safe. I chose to voluntarily check myself into the mental health wing at the hospital. While waiting in the ER examination room all I had in my purse was the book "Mercy Moves Mountains" and I was just about done with it. I don't know what possessed me to want to read while waiting in the ER for suicide, but I felt a desire to read the book and distract myself. I only read a couple pages, but at the bottom of the last page was this verse:

'I will not die; instead, I will live to tell what the Lord has done.' Psalm 118:17.

This verse was the start of a new beginning. Not long after I entered the Mercy Ministries program and God used that verse to significantly speak to me multiple times. Even after graduation, things weren't always perfect and easy. In rough times this verse constantly reminded me that I had a reason to live, and my story and testimony is me "telling what the Lord has done". I want to continue to proclaim my testimony and I hope that this note is a small tidbit of that.

God's placed soooo much on my heart and I just feel like I'm filling up and overflowing. I don't even know what to do with anything. I'm having a hard time with reading my Bible and praying, but God is pulling me closer and closer to him. My friend who has helped me through soooo much, co C-Team leader, my past C-Team leader when i was in middle school, my brother in Christ, has been diagnosed with serious cancer in both lungs. It's serious and from what I know he isn't going to make it. I'm in shock right now, but so torn. I'm torn for his family, for his wife, kids, grandkids. He's such a great man. He has evangelized to thousands. Brought many to Christ, traveled the world for Jesus. His life will not go unnoticed. He definitely changed my life and I know he's changed many lives through C-Team. The 8th and 9th graders from last years group of C-Team are getting together to pray for Jim. Everyone is committed to praying for them. Just to see how this is bringing the teenagers to God and prayer amazes me. I love Jim Jeske, and it is my prayer for healing. If God brings him home, may it be him working for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.