trust. faith. peace.

As this semester roles around to an end, I look back in appreciation and disappointment. It's so easy to wish I had done some things differently. This semester has been full of ups and downs. But God never ceases to amaze me. He has come through in every rough situation all semester. As I await some serious news, I'm struggling with leaning into God and trusting Him. I mean, I know it's okay to be nervous and sad. The Bible does tell us though, to be anxious for nothing. This morning in church Dwayne Carson spoke. He talked about becoming larger spiritually and looking back over this past year to see what God has done. My initial reaction was to look back and notice all the mistakes and mess-ups I've made. But then God spoke directly to my heart. He told me: "Mandie, you are not the person you were a year ago. You've learned to trust me more and more. Trust me RIGHT NOW." I've been praying for this rough situation to end, for things to go "my way". But after talking with my RA, Liz, and hearing the message this morning, I've realized that it isn't about what I want, it's about what God wants, how He's going to work best, and how He's going to get me to where He wants me on my spiritual journey. If I get bad news this week, it's not necessarily "bad news". It's God's news. It would break me. It would break me and pull me down so hard. But I need to be ready to get back up, turn straight to God, and press forward. As I wait, yes I can cry, yes I can be nervous...but I need to turn it to God, trust God, and press forward to His will. He's the only one that can get me through this. "Jesus, you are so good and your love is so abundant. I want to try to trust you. I want to lean into you. Embrace me. Give me peace. In your precious name, AMEN"